Incels and the Holy Trinity – You and Me

When it comes to the impact of Incel, blue, red, black pill ideologies, where is individual responsibility? And by 'individual' I mean yours or mine?

When we attribute responsibility for our ills to faceless entities – 'community', 'society', 'culture' – we purposefully place ourselves on the outside looking in, like visitors at a zoo where the attractions are other human beings we're happy to visually dissect and point fingers at.

There are countless excuses for avoiding the uncomfortable truth of how our behaviors and attitudes ripple outward, affecting those around us. It mainly boils down to our discomfort with what we don't know and don't understand. So instead of looking within, we direct our attention elsewhere.

The snide remark, the innocent comment, the thinly veiled criticism – they all enter the stream of shared consciousness and weave their way into our daily thought processes, crystallizing into accepted truths. In short, we start believing our own stories and narratives. Before we know it, we've all bought into neatly packaged ideologies built from conspiracy theories, pseudo-science – it's uncanny how science is either vilified or quoted as gospel depending on what story we want to peddle – and questionable statistics.

How do we fix this? We examine individual behaviour within context without attributing judgment or criticism to the person, and by extension, to the group they belong to. This approach demands effort and reflection. It requires courage, compassion, and brutal honesty with ourselves.

They say when we point fingers at others, we're actually shielding our own shame and discomfort.

The truth is, nobody is immune to shame, no matter what they claim.

Boys and men trapped in these ideologies are human beings searching for connection and companionship – fundamental needs for survival. Women who dismiss men based on appearance, the height requirements omnipresent on dating apps, shy demeanor, or clumsy approaches should pause and reflect.

These superficial criteria create barriers to genuine human connection and inadvertently feed the very alienation that breeds toxic ideologies.

Perhaps it's time we all acknowledged a simple truth: meaningful relationships aren't built on whether someone meets arbitrary physical standards or financial benchmarks. They're forged through vulnerability, kindness, shared laughter, and the courage to see beyond the surface.

When we reduce potential partners to a checklist of external attributes, we rob ourselves of authentic connection and contribute to a culture where worth is measured by metrics that have nothing to do with character or compatibility.

The antidote to these poisonous ideologies isn't found in pointing fingers or building higher walls. It's found in the radical act of treating each other as complete human beings deserving of dignity, regardless of height, bank account, or subjective attractiveness.