Closing the Show: How to Escape the Performance Trap for Good In the early 1970’s, William Masters and Virginia Johnson — pioneers in the research of human sexual response to whom we owe…ohhhhh…. so much — prescribed a strange cure for men to get out of their own head and start to enjoy sex more. Couples at their wits end with the trap I described in the last post were told to go home with an exercise called “sensate focus” which is based on one cardinal rule: no intercours

Having covered the effect of culture, society and expectation — implicit and explicit — and the bewilderment of the partner on the receiving end of the penis owner's ministrations, the spotlight now turns to the owner of the prodigious implement himself: men. And "spotlight" is the right word, because under that harsh light, with nowhere to run, a penis finds itself centre stage, performing for an anxious audience of one. Unlike a theatre stage, though, there's no interval, n

The earliest known example of phallic art (as of 2023) is a small pendant discovered in Mongolia, dating back 42,000 years. The cult of the erect penis stretches back millennia and still occupies pride of place in temples and shrines across the world today. It is a symbol of fertility, strength and manhood, so it is little wonder that those of us equipped with such an objet d'art regard it with a heady mix of pride, expectation and, frequently, trepidation. Never more so than

I was asked a question this week, while busy trying to align the shadow of a solar eclipse with a colander and a sheet of paper. Quite a feat, if I do say so myself, and I thought I was bright :-(. Does a sexual encounter have to end in intercourse to count as "good sex"? The question is loaded — more than it seems at first glance. The man asking it was as bewildered as I was at finding the correct angle for the colander, and when we finally did it, tens and tens of suns appe

First and foremost, sex is not a marathon, nor a sprint. There's no ribbon to cross, no victory lap holding aloft a flag emblazoned with a penis. There's no gold medal for who comes first, last, or not at all. If this is your idea of sex, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Beliefs like this permeate men's lives in all sorts of ways, and the consequences are significant. In the case of Early Ejaculation (EE), it's the pressure to perform, and to meet expectations y

Early Ejaculation (EE), also called Premature Ejaculation (PE) — though I'm personally more inclined towards the less judgemental EE — occurs when ejaculation takes place earlier than the penis owner in question expects. Estimates vary, but most research suggests it affects somewhere between 3 in 10 men so it is a topic worth exploring. There are a number of phases in the sexual response cycle that end in ejaculation, one of which is the excitement phase, when things start to

When it comes to communication in a relationship there is a tendency to assume -read impose!- the female lens, based on talking things through, dissecting, analysing, time travelling, until the cows come home. This is absolutely a generalisation, as communication styles are not gendered but individual- gender itself being a very loose concept- however, there are traits, driven by a combination of nature and nurture (largely family, culture, environment), that tend to be expr

Making my way across the Millennium Bridge in London a couple of weeks ago, I came across the Big Issue seller I see on occasion. I stopped to buy the latest issue and got stuck reading an article about Richard Gadd, whom you probably know as the actor and writer of Baby Reindeer. I had not watched the series, though I had heard the furore surrounding it, so I did not know what to expect. Gadd is now promoting a new project entitled Half Man, a story that follows the lives of

We’re Wired for It. That’s Exactly the Problem. As humans we are primed by Nature to seek out sugar, as well as fat. Sugar provides an instant energy boost that would have come in rather handy when being chased by a predator, or for survival in nutrient-poor environments. In our hunting and gathering past — which is, in evolutionary terms, not that long ago — sugar was not readily available. It was only about 150 years ago, with the mass processing of sugar cane and later sug

It is normal for even the most ardent and passionate lover to be tired, stressed, or unwell at times — and therefore not in the most appropriate state of mind for intimacy. These same reasons apply to women and vulva owners and affect their sexual response in a similar way, with two notable differences. The first is that the effects of these stressors are not as visible, since the similar erectile tissue that engorges during male erection is mostly hidden in the female body,

The beauty of medical terminology is that it is factual, clinical and unequivocal — essential for ensuring that what is being researched within the walls where white coats roam with stethoscopes is clearly and unambiguously understood. Erectile Dysfunction, or ED for those in a hurry, is the terminology used by the medical profession to refer to situations where, during a sexual encounter, a penis owner might not become erect at all, might not maintain an erection, or might f

This week's BBC article titled Death of the sex drive — and the great debate over whether testosterone can help get it back ( https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ckg8r28d3lgo ) triggered a number of reactions in me. The answers presented hold true in multiple ways, and also don't, yet none provide the ultimate answer to the role of this hormone, its use, its abuse, or its impact. First and foremost, before we reach for the glass of water and gulp down the magic pill that wil