Real men are always ready for sex

If one is to take bodice ripping page turners and social media as scientific evidence, then every man is in the midst of a sex frenzy, or he is thinking about it, or he is recovering from glorious sex, rearing to go at it again. If this were true, one might wonder how all these men manage to get through a full day of work, commute, family, friends, sport and all other commitments when their mind's only focus is sex and the glorious Commander stands rigid and ready to fire 24/7.

What does he actually use to take notes during meeting? Does the Commander parallel park? One would assume rush hour traffic would be significantly more dangerous if every male driver were operating heavy machinery with only one thing on his mind.

Except that this is yet another attention-grabbing news line that, at best, causes the Missus to complain that she is not 'getting' enough or whine that her man should be more in touch with his 'feelings' than in touch with his penis; at worst, it raises feelings of inadequacy that affect a man's confidence by comparing himself with this mythical Sex god who apparently has solved the work-life-erection balance that eludes us mortals.

There is in reality evidence that suggests that, in general, men think about sex slightly more often than women, but the attention should move to what 'thinking about sex' could also mean.

Men have historically been socialised to be action oriented, and 'sex' is certainly an action. Sex then becomes a proxy for intimacy, cuddles, feeling being taken care of, being held, seen and heard when sharing feelings is not something they are accustomed to, have experience with, or have been taught to do.

It's less "I want to shag" and more "I want to be held but I learned emotional communication from action films and a father who expressed love through barbecue techniques."

So yes, maybe a man thinks about sex when he had a rough day at work and all he needs is his partner to take him in her arms and tell him she loves and appreciates him for all he is, but he is not able to tell her that. A woman in the same situation might text her best friend, have a cry, ask directly for a hug, or simply announce "I've had the worst day and I need you to hold me."

Meanwhile, his communication system—trained mainly through sports commentary and IKEA instruction manuals—translates "I need emotional support and physical closeness" into "sex would be nice." It's a bit like responding to "I need to talk" with "wanna have sex?" and being genuinely baffled when she gives you the look normally reserved for men who wear socks with sandals.

Next myth: Good sex is spontanueous, no need to plan it