What's in a label?

It's interesting how quickly we seek new labels to define ourselves once we've shed the constricting combo of monogamy and heterosexuality. No sooner have we escaped one box than we're scrambling to find another, and now there are so many options it's hard to keep up.

What drives this obsession with labels? What compels us to neatly file ourselves and others into the right section of the right cabinet?

Several reasons come to mind.

However partisan they may be, both monogamy and heterosexuality are understood by the larger community. Yes, the devil is in the detail—with cheating rates varying wildly from one in five to one in three (the difference often relating to cheating definition... is lusting after the latest Netflix heartthrob cheating? For some, absolutely).

Yet most people agree on what these words mean and feel comfortable operating within that framework. Change brings uncertainty, and as humans we feel threatened by the unknown. Applying a new label gives us a sense of control and reassurance.

The argument against this approach? There is no direct opposite to monogamy or heterosexuality. This isn't a binary choice—either/or, black and white.

The alternative is as many different ways of expressing one's gender, sexual preference, and relationship inclinations as there are human beings on this planet. And this lack of clear, recognised structures adds anxiety for those venturing into unknown territory.

Another reason is that these new labels become badges of honour. There's something inherently sexy and appealing about a different label—almost exotic—that feels enticing when casually (or not so casually) dropped in conversation, especially during dates and illicit encounters. Who doesn't want to feel like the rebel, fighting against society, the norm, the 'rules'—particularly when you've spent a lifetime feeling caged in a persona that isn't your own?

There's yet another, more insidious reason behind label usage: exploiting their original meaning under the pretence of expressing one's free spirit. This involves twisting a label's known definition and manipulating other people's feelings, experiences, and boundaries to get what you want without considering the impact on others.

One label makes an easy target: polyamory, from the Greek poly (many) and Latin amore (love). Coined in the 1990s, it means loving many people at once through multiple relationships with the explicit consent of everyone involved. As with any label, the devil is in the nuance, but at its core are love, respect for oneself and others, consideration for people's feelings and needs, and... a reliable calendar app.

What polyamory is not: an opportunity to engage in multiple dalliances and lies aimed at getting as many conquests under your belt, playing the victim, or shifting accountability to others for not comprehending the 'true' meaning of the word.

If you feel you're being taken for a ride when your paramour of choice invokes the polyamory excuse for lacking basic respect, remember this: whatever the meaning of the latest label, don't take it at face value just because a pretty face parades the word in front of you like a peacock's tail.

Ask what that label means to them and how they experience it in practice—within themselves and with their relationships.

It might not seem romantic, perhaps even transactional, but someone who genuinely wants to live the true meaning of a label will be only too happy to explain it. They feel respect for the person asking and for themselves, which is the very basis of any consensual relationship.

( limited AI in this one...punctuation was not my friend this time)