Incels and the Holy Trinity – The Father

The Father, a central, pivotal role in bringing up a healthy child;  if a girl, the first encounter with a male figure that will affect her view of men and relationship choices for a lifetime; if a boy, a role model, somebody to look up to and whose behaviour, values and approach to life will be fundamental in how ‘boy’ will become ‘man’.

Yet not much is known about what being Father actually means, and there is little literature exploring Father’s critical role in child healthy development.

Important work has been done by Dr Anna Machin, a doctor of evolutionary anthropology- very short for why and how Nature has moulded human behaviour. What I took from her books – and for the less inclined to read- her Ted talk, is the notion of Father behaviour evolving after that of Mother both in evolutionary terms and within the lifetime of the kid from conception to birth to growth.

Steering away from associating Mother with the female of the human species or Father with the male, there is yet an inevitable effect of bonding hormones that the human carrying the baby and the companion of that human experience differently. Yet what is critical is not making one ‘better’ or more significant than the other, as it is usually the case with the focus on Mother.

They are complementary, each role imparting fundamental tool kits for the kids’ development and cannot be separated or dismissed.

As the focus of this post is Incel ideology my interest is in Father/boy relationship. Father (or Father figure) is he who a boy looks up to when assessing his role and approach to life.

According to studies of brain development and how this translates into Father/child bond, the role of Father is that of guide, helping a boy interact with the world and environment around him. In very simple terms it is about the ‘doing’, in response to the ‘being’ which is where the nurturing and caring role tends to sit.

‘Doing’ allows the boy to experiment, safely, make mistakes, assess, change course. Father expresses his authority, his presence with maturity, understanding, creativity.

Father imparts discipline intended as a framework of ethics and behaviour a boy can move within, yet Father is not a disciplinarian, he does not apply rigid structures blindly.

Father introduces the boy to the complexities of social interaction, and, by example, shows him how to navigate its arduous shores.

Under the guide of a mature and present Father -as in ‘all in’ not as in number hours – the boy learns a sense of self and claims his belonging within the larger community.

And when this figure is absent or not expressed in a mature way? What happens in a society where Father is domineering, a bully, or absent, indifferent, or whose role is pushed aside, diminished, reduced?

Enter Incels, right wing influencers, gangs claiming to teach the way of the world, whose sole interest is to fill young boys' heads with immature and damaging ideologies that prey on a boy's lack of proper guidance. These toxic mentors bring hatred, extreme views, lack of tolerance, and misogyny.

Why do boys gravitate toward such destructive messages?

Because it's the easy way - it requires no accountability, feeds victimhood, and exploits fear. And fear is a powerful tool in the hands of an immature society.

Boys and men need to feel they belong, to have a sense of purpose and they cannot find it alone so these ideologies find an easy entry point.

Fathers must claim their unique role in raising a boy-child. Their role is evolving from the outdated patriarchal Provider and Protector model to something far richer - a guide who travels and explores alongside the boy. This modern Father teaches honesty and respect, understanding that growth can be frightening for a boy. He walks alongside him towards self-regulation, empathy, confidence, and authentic selfhood, ensuring the boy emerges resilient and ready to enter society as a mature man.

( no AI was used, but lots of typing and correcting)