What is Connection?

I'm amazed by how statistics from dating apps show that 'a connection' ranks at 38% of most common desires (by the way, humour is the highest ranking). So why not focus on humour? Because while a sense of humour is an important part of relationships between individuals—and it's one of the characteristics that can form part of a connection—its lack doesn't spark a risk to health and even life itself.

The WHO recently declared adult loneliness a global health threat akin to smoking 15 cigarettes a day…yikes!!!

Granted, this was just after the Covid pandemic and life has improved 100-fold since then. However, it's not as if relationships between us humans—from friendship to family, from community-based to romantic—have bounced back to hoped-for levels. The trend was nosediving well before that.

Why the risk to health and life? Because without human connection, we, as we are now, would not exist, so it is worth talking about it and working hard to create and maintain and protect it.

So What Is 'A Connection'?

The word "connection" comes from the Latin 'connexio', meaning "binding together." In the context of romantic and sexual relationships, after the initial spark between two individuals (keeping it as two for the sake of simplicity), which is based on a physiological response, it's like two planets circling each other, waiting for attraction to ensue and lock each other in a perpetual dance.

Little by little, invisible feelers reach out. If there are sufficient elements in common between the parties, they inform each other that the other is safe, trustworthy, and in line with one's values…et voilà, a connection is formed.

A connection is not an emotion, however we all have felt it—experienced its pull and that deadweight feeling when absent. The rational part of our mind might try to create a reason for why a connection exists, but often words fail us.

Why? Because a connection is not only based on words.

We can talk about our hobbies, our jobs, what we do for fun, and even sext on a rainy Sunday afternoon (I know this is what you're doing out there today) and find subjects that connect us. But connections are also about feelings of warmth, playfulness, awe, contentment, belonging that cannot be explained and can only be experienced.

What Types of Connections Exist?

The answer is many.

Physical connection spans from a gentle touch of a shoulder to a night of rolling around in the sheets. This connection happens on a continuum and works when expressed at the right time and in the right context shared by all involved. A sympathetic squeeze of a hand in times of hurt, even just being present can be more powerful than a night of acrobatic sexual exploits. It's about context, and those who form a connection recognise what is needed and when.

Emotional connection is where one feels safe to express their vulnerability, their desires, their needs without fear, knowing they will be understood and respected. The connection exists even during conflict as all parties do their best to return to a state of balance, driven by the same desire to re-establish the loving connection. Emotional connection is of immense importance given its impact on one's health and wellbeing.

Mental, intellectual connection encompasses shared interests and curiosities that can be expressed by being excited by the same artist at a gig, discussing politics, or lifting weights at the gym while gazing at each other in rapturous amazement (to each their own—I stick with Thai cookery lessons).

Energetic connection is that spark, that frisson that generates between individuals. It's difficult to explain and identify, but you know when it exists because one feels alive in the presence of the other and smiles form on your face and you don't know why.

So, when you think of what connection means to you and the one you love, close your eyes and visualise it. Feel it in your body, let the emotions rise without investing in them—just let them come and go. This can be a powerful way to explore more ways to connect, different ways when one feels stuck-in-a-rut or curious and playful.

Who knows…maybe you might even start going to the gym.

( No AI was invoked on this occasion)