Friends with Benefits – on the surface it sounds quite simple and straightforward. In 'When Harry Met Sally' (a cult classic with Billy Crystal I urge all to watch), his character Harry tells Sally, played by Meg Ryan, that men and women cannot be friends as the sexual element always comes into play. He uses slightly more explicit words, but you get my gist. She seems surprised; he is adamant. Needless to say, they become friends, spend time together, get to really know each

I'm amazed by how statistics from dating apps show that 'a connection' ranks at 38% of most common desires (by the way, humour is the highest ranking). So why not focus on humour? Because while a sense of humour is an important part of relationships between individuals—and it's one of the characteristics that can form part of a connection—its lack doesn't spark a risk to health and even life itself. The WHO recently declared adult loneliness a global health threat akin to smo

It's interesting how quickly we seek new labels to define ourselves once we've shed the constricting combo of monogamy and heterosexuality. No sooner have we escaped one box than we're scrambling to find another, and now there are so many options it's hard to keep up. What drives this obsession with labels? What compels us to neatly file ourselves and others into the right section of the right cabinet? Several reasons come to mind. However partisan they may be, both monogamy

When it comes to the impact of Incel, blue, red, black pill ideologies, where is individual responsibility? And by 'individual' I mean yours or mine? When we attribute responsibility for our ills to faceless entities – 'community', 'society', 'culture' – we purposefully place ourselves on the outside looking in, like visitors at a zoo where the attractions are other human beings we're happy to visually dissect and point fingers at. There are countless excuses for avoiding the

The Father, a central, pivotal role in bringing up a healthy child;  if a girl, the first encounter with a male figure that will affect her view of men and relationship choices for a lifetime; if a boy, a role model, somebody to look up to and whose behaviour, values and approach to life will be fundamental in how ‘boy’ will become ‘man’. Yet not much is known about what being Father actually means, and there is little literature exploring Father’s critical role in child heal

It is not easy being a mother—this is a notion drummed into every person, child and adult alike, from birth. Undoubtedly this is true. Raising a child to be a well-rounded, balanced, content adult, actively part of their community, is a big responsibility that requires care, thought, loads of patience, intuition, buckets full of ingenuity, colourful plasters and warm hugs. Yet patriarchal societies revered 'The Mother' figure as almost sacred while ensuring women would not as

I have been reading about Incels following the recent ' Adolescence ' series on Netflix. The acting was raw and felt real, the characters credible and relatable. My attention focused mainly on father and son, Eddie and Jamie Miller—on their relationship, looking for causality, for that single moment in time that would subvert the character of a seemingly happy-go-lucky kid and lead him to be drawn to Incel ideology that resulted, ultimately, in gruesome manslaughter. I was e

Male desire… is there such a notion in this day and age when men have so often taken what they wanted on the basis they are entitled to it by birthright, by DNA, by social norms, by divine decree? Well, it so happens that this is not desire. This is entitlement, and there is a fundamental difference. Male desire is rarely spoken of, as if it were something to be ashamed of and to be shamed for—because it gets confused with the patriarchal right to take without asking. The wor

I said before I am not versed in the intricacies of understanding the judicial system in the UK, and by no means do I want to comment on how the ruling came about following such a complex and multifaceted case. Mine is a call to consider this ruling a starting point rather than a conclusion, unlike the media's portrayal. If the cases in question were straightforward, they would likely not have reached this point, and despite the unanimous decision, this doesn't diminish its c

The April 16th UK Supreme Court ruling defined what a ‘woman’ is in the eyes of the law. The cheering and cork popping on one side and...

My holistic view is based on the MEBES® model and takes a step back from looking at the sexual concern of the Client to explore the areas...

A new year. A new start. The post party exhaustion still lingers and with it the feeling of time suspended, in limbo, the ‘actual’ start...

And how is that you ask? Well, I am not an historian so I will spare how it came to be that an entomologist, aka a researcher of creepy crawlies…yikes!... ended up writing 2 volumes that revolutionised the beliefs 1950s Americans had about sex. I will however share the key tenet of his research method…controversial, yes, biased, yes and a child of its time, yes but let’s give Kinsey a break, it was a revolution in its simplicity. The aptly named - does what is says on the tin

I spent last weekend fully immersed in a SAR workshop, emerging dazed, exhausted, over excited, joyous and hopeful. SAR stands for Sexual Attitude Reassessment, a pre-requisite for my certification and a must for professional development within the field of Clinical Sexology. We do not know what we do not know and having been warned about the triggering effects of SAR, I still could not wait to get started, meet my fellow participants and facilitators, get stuck in. A bunch o

The Sex Coach is a champion for the Client, providing guidance, suggestions, resources that help the Client find their truth and make positive change in their sexual life. How difficult can it be for a Client to open up to a stranger with a note pad and a knowing smile, find the courage to talk about embarrassment, uneasiness, express the conflict between their feelings and what our self-righteous and fearful society tell them they should be and feel? The answer is …very diff

If a tree falls in the forest... ….and no one is around to hear it….does it make a sound? What a curious, restricted, typical human-centric view of the world. Of course it makes a sound!   The sharp noise of the trunk splitting open under pressure, the rustle of the leaves on a crown that tries to reach for the sky to remain upright, one by one the branches crack until the roots give up, and with a heavy sigh the whole towering structure collapses to the ground, shaking other

History has shown that sexology was, for centuries, mainly linked to the anatomical study of sexual organs, their physical form, their physiology and how they performed, in order to sustain reproduction. Other areas, we are slowly discovering as essential components of the sexual experience, such as the psychology, feelings, emotions, behaviours of humans involved in sexual activities, were considered not relevant as not directly involved in procreation, which is what sex is

Sex coaching falls under the umbrella of sexology, the scientific study of sex, namely the interests, functions, and behaviours of humans in regard to sex and sexual expression. Like so many other areas subject to study, i.e. 'ologies', the outcome of deep immersion in a specific field generates different outcomes and directions that go from research to applied knowledge to commercial opportunities. We can see example of this across multiple areas, say, study the muscle struc